Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Facebook Friends

So many people have written about what Facebook, Myspace, and their ilk mean to society that I won't go down that road, but I will say I think it's so strange that I'm getting friend requests from people I haven't talked to or seen in more than a decade. Recently, my 3rd grade boyfriend, 3 friends from 6th grade, and 2 of my sister's high school friends friended me on Facebook. Why? Just because we used to know each other? It's not that I dislike these people, it's that I don't know them anymore. I like seeing the updates and pictures that my friends around the country post, but I don't care about what's happening in the lives of people I wouldn't know if I saw them on the street.

You know what this means? Wedding-happy Jen is over--welcome back to cranky, grumpy Jen.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Best Wedding Present Ever (Part 1)

If you've read my other wedding posts, you already know that my sister is pregnant, but how I found out deserves its own story.

First, you need to know two things about my sister.

1) She has always been tiny. I don't mean just skinny, I mean teeny tiny. Although she's only two and a half years younger than me, my friends and I used to carry her around the house as if she were a baby. I actually used to call her Baby. Probably until she was in college. She has always looked younger than she is and now at 28, she could still pass for a teenager. In fact, last year when she was at the synagogue planning for her wedding, someone thought she was there prepping for her Bat Mitzvah.

2) Stacey absolutely does not keep secrets. My mom always says that if she wants to know something, she just asks Stacey. When Stacey was in high school, my mom would ask where she had been and what she was doing, and like no other teenager on the planet, Stacey would answer honestly. Weirdo.

So, the sum up, my sister is a skinny-minny, attention-seeking, blabbermouth (but I write that in love. So much love!)

Let's get on with this story. In July, nearly our entire, extended family celebrated my Bubbie’s 90th birthday. Three of Bubbie’s four children planned the party and nine of her ten grandchildren, plus a whole mess of great-grandchildren, gathered at a restaurant in Kansas City for her party. Stacey had gained some weight since I had seen her last, in May, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed she wasn’t so slim. Everyone started asking if she was pregnant. Everyone. First, Stacey answered their teasing and raised eyebrows by laughing. But the next day at my bridal shower, she insisted indignantly to one of my aunts that no, she didn’t have any announcements.

I felt really bad for her. After all, I could see how people might think she looked pregnant—her boobs looked bigger and she had definitely gained weight in her tummy. I didn’t want to jump on the bandwagon, so I didn’t say anything to her, but my mom and I definitely started gossiping.

“I don’t know what to do,” my mom would say to me, worried, “she knows she’s gained weight, but she’s dipping her bread in the olive oil or spreading on tons of butter and eating away!”

“Well, it’s not like you can say anything to her about it,” I sighed, frustrated, “she knows how to lose weight. If she wanted to lose weight, she’d eat less and exercise more.”

Why was Stacey gaining so much weight? Before her wedding, I lost a few pounds because I wanted to make sure that I looked the best I could in her pictures. Was she going to be a fatty for my pictures? Oh no—I didn’t want her to hate the pictures of herself at my wedding. I have tons of her wedding pictures in my apartment and expected her to have pictures of my wedding in her house. But if she was fat, she’d hate all of her pictures.

And I truly believed that she wasn’t pregnant. After the flurry of questions in July, she told me that they were particularly hurtful since she had tried to get pregnant and hadn’t. She had gotten a negative result just a week or so before the party. “Oh my God,” I exclaimed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to tell you or mom—I wanted you to have your wedding and didn’t want to make things about me.”

“But this is a big deal. You wouldn’t have ruined anything by telling us about it.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter because I’m not pregnant,” she said, “and don’t tell mom ‘cause I don’t want her to get excited about us trying.”

So what did I do? You guessed it—I immediately called my mom and swore her to secrecy.

I got to Kansas City on the Wednesday before my wedding and sure enough, Stacey looked like she’d been eating all the butter and olive oil in sight. No wonder people thought she looked pregnant—her boobs were huge and she definitely had a belly. What was going on? Not only did she look heavy, but she felt different too. At one point I placed my hand on her back to get her to move faster and Jesus, she was SOLID.

“I think you look a better than you did in July,” I lied as she tried on some clothes I’d brought in from New York.

“Really? I’ve gained about ten pounds since then.”

“You’ve gained ten pounds in six weeks? Maybe you should see a doctor,” I said, trying to sound non-judgmental. How on earth did she gain ten pounds? That’s insanity.

“Well, I mean, I’m not sure it was ten—it probably wasn’t that much.”

“Mmmm,” I replied, unsure of what to say.

She had gained so much weight that my mom and I actively started trying to cut people off before they asked her questions. When Matt and I met with the Rabbi on Saturday for our final meeting before the wedding the next day, I warned him not to ask if Stacey was expecting. And, my mom told all of her friends not to say anything to her. We were both in protective mama bear mode.

Not that it did any good, of course. On the day of the wedding, my mom and I exchanged worried glances as we poured Stacey into her dress. It took both of us to fasten it. In fact, it was so tight that if the wedding was a week later, I don’t think it would have fit. After the ceremony, everyone wanted to congratulate me, tell me how beautiful I looked, and ask if Stacey was expecting. I kept smiling, thanking people, and waving off their questions. Even the caterer said something to my mom about seeing her at a bris.

At one point during the party, I really looked at her for the first time and saw how others must have seen her. Glowy, she was sitting with her little round belly outlined in her dress. She’ll tell me tomorrow, I thought, and dismissed it.

And sure enough, she did. My mom picked Matt and me up from the hotel the day after the wedding to join Stacey, her Matt and my dad at my parents’ house. Stacey and I were sitting on the couch together when she said, “You know, that dress didn’t hide my pregnancy very well.”

“Oh, I thought it looked cute on you,” I said, trying to dismiss her fears.

“No, I mean, it really showed off my pregnancy. I’m pregnant. ”

“Oh my God!” I exclaimed, my eyes filling with tears as I leaned over the embrace her.

She revealed that yes, she was pregnant. But only ten weeks, contrary to how much she was showing. And how did she keep such a huge secret? Her best friend knew and so did both our grandmothers. In fact, Bubbie had been lying to on Stacey’s behalf for an entire month. Our aunts, uncles, and cousins kept pressing Bubbie for information and she held them at bay, saying “No, she’d tell me if she was pregnant; it’s not true.”

I’m beyond excited that Stacey’s having a baby, but the fact that she kept a secret, and such an important secret, in order to help make my wedding weekend about me, was the best present she could have gotten me.

Monday, October 06, 2008

The Best Dress EVER

Of my mom's 17 friends who came to my wedding, three of them wore the same dress. The exact same, deep v-neck, empire-waisted, skirt of many-tiers, shimmery dress. Sure, two wore it in black and one in red, but it was such a distinctive silhouette that there was no escaping the fact that they looked like a group of backup singers on break.

Skip to this weekend. Matt's firm held a retreat in Baltimore so the lawyers in the three offices (New York, Washington D.C., and Los Angeles) could mingle, and being the good new wife that I am, I went. Since the Saturday night cocktail party was black-tie optional, the men were in tuxedos and suits and the women broke out their jewels and fancy dresses. And making an appearance? The Dress. Only two women wore it this time, but clearly, its power wasn't relegated to the Midwest--it had infiltrated the coasts as well.

Ladies, I hope you enjoy The Best Dress Ever. I just hope you're prepared to not be the only one in the room wearing it.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Rehearsal Dinner Poem

My cousin Lynn and her husband Sam have a habit of writing fun poems for people. Below is the poem they read at my rehearsal dinner. Of note: my sister's rehearsal dinner was a year earlier at the same restaurant.

I came here tonight
Along with the rest of you
It's eerily similar
I'm feeling Deja vu

Lynn, Stacey and now Jen
Chose August to marry their spouse
Their unfortunate outcome
Their fathers end up in the poor house

The blood tests were taken
Everyone was on needles and pins
And it can be officially announced tonight
Matt and Jen are not twins

This family boasts so many lawyers now
And they all need someone to sue
So, please, watch what you're doing
Because it might just be you

Jen had trouble with a roommate
Who owed her some dough
If she knew Matt back then
She wouldn't have starred on the Judge Judy show

Matt play bocce ball
Being the captain is quite a feat
But as Jennifer says
His true sport is to eat

Jennifer designs and makes jewelry
And it sparkles as it's hung
But we knew she was a wild child
When the jewelry pierced her tongue

Well who knows what the future
Holds in store for you two
Lynn and I wish you nothing but the best
With all the things that you do