Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Moms are So Smart

I'm at the age where I'm finally able to appreciate my mom, rather than rebel against her/ be annoyed at her/need things from her. And although I've noticed that I'm channeling her words and mannerisms more and more, I'm not yet just like my mother.
Which wouldn't be such a bad thing since sometimes she's so smart.

A girl I was friends with in high school and college called me in August to tell me she was getting married. Although at one point we were good friends (and were each other's introduction to Sapphism) since we both moved after college (she to the West Coast, me to the East), we had mostly lost touch. Over the past 7 years, we've talked maybe a half-dozen times and we've seen each other 3 times--once when I was in L.A. to appear on Judge Judy, once when I was in L.A. for business, and once when she came to visit me in NY.

I was happy to hear that she was getting married, but I didn't really expect to be invited to the wedding. Fast forward a few months. When she called me in February, I was surprised to hear from her, but happy to chat. After about a minute, she got to the point. She was calling to see if I would be her maid of honor. Maid of honor! I didn't think I was going to be invited to the wedding, let along be asked to be in it. And maid of honor? Maid of honor! I'm my sister's maid of honor, and expect that to be the last time I act in that particular role. I was so flustered that I accepted, but when we got off the phone a few minutes later, I started thinking about what my commitment actually meant.

It meant going to L.A. which, in turn meant buying 2 plane tickets (one for the boyfriend and one for me), renting a car, and renting a hotel room. It meant buying a dress I could never wear again. And it meant being in someone's wedding who I hardly knew anymore.

I had to get out of it, but without hurting her feelings. How? My friends suggested telling her I couldn't afford it or didn't feel comfortable making that commitment. No.

Mom to the rescue! "Just tell her you've already commited to hosting your sister's shower," Mom suggested. "You can just fudge a little and pretend that they're the same weekend." Brilliant! My sister's shower is the last weekend in April and I'll be in KC for it. My friend doesn't need to know that they're not really the same weekend.

My mom is so smart. But the weird thing is that so is her mother. When I talked to my grandmother a few days later, I told her about the wedding I had been asked to be in. "You know what you should say," she told me, " you should pretend that your sister's shower is the same weekend."

"Um, yeah, did you talk to my mom about that?" I asked, a little confused.

"No, why?"

"'Cause she had the exact same suggestion!"

"Oh! It's true," she said, " we all turn into our mothers!"


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