Thursday, June 26, 2008

Wedding Anxiety

I don't usually have a problem with sleeping--I'm one of those people who can take naps, fall asleep on airplanes, and fall back asleep after the cat races through the apartment at 6am. Lately, however, I've been laying awake at night, going over lists in my head, thinking about the massive amount of shit I have to do for my clients and my wedding, and all the writing I'm not doing. So, last night after Matt and I got into an argument about the wedding menu, I popped two Tylenol PM, eager to embrace the enveloping fog. Is this when you know you're old? When Tylenol PM is your drug of choice instead of alcohol or other substances?

I wasn't really that stressed out about the wedding until I spent last week in Kansas City with my mom, running wedding-related errands and making wedding-related decisions nearly every waking hour for four and a half days. Among other things, we went to 11 shoe stores looking for wedding shoes, went to 5 stores looking for a guest book and sundry other crafty items, went to the printing place 5 times to look at ink colors and paper choices, looked for a dress for my sister (since the one I ordered for her was the wrong color), met with the caterer, met with Rabbi and the synagogue coordinator, looked at chair and table covers, got my wedding dress fitted, picked up my marriage license, spent hours choosing photos for our video montage, and met with the videographer. Am I missing something? I'm sure I am.

It turns out that I have two qualities that make me ill-suited for wedding planning: I want things the way that I want them, and I am a terrific procrastinator. Fun.

I'm having some mixed feeling (let's call it what it is--anxiety) about my upcoming nuptials. No, not about getting married or not about marring Matt (although I'm sure that will come soon.) I'm wondering if I should have a wedding. Specifically, if it will be worth it.

Is it worth spending 10 months preparing for one event? Is it worth stressing out about every single detail like getting the exact right color on the invitations, making my own guest book, and finding the perfect Ketubah? Is it worth pissing off my future in-laws because I refuse to have children running around at the wedding? And finally, is it worth it financially? Instead of throwing a party, we could use the money to go toward the down payment on a house. I'm fortunate in that my parents are paying for the wedding. It's not like Matt and I are taking out loans or forced to choice between having a wedding and, let's say, a car for example. But still, if we eloped, none of this would matter. So, is it worth it?

I don't know. I'm trying not to get caught up in the minutia of the Wedding Industrial Complex and remember that it's about our celebration, not about our cupcake tower, but with the overwhelming amount of details and decisions, sometimes it seems like EVERYTHING is important and sometime it seems like NOTHING is.

I guess, like so many things, I won't know until it's over.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do the wedding, but always keep the unchangeable rule of wedding happiness ruthlessly front and center: when preparation for an element stops being fun - stop the preparation right then and right there - no exceptions.

For example, after shoe store number 3, if this is no longer fun, either buy a pair you've already seen or wear tennis shoes. It will be fine. Really.

At the end of the day, you and Matt will be married and it will be wonderful, and your family and friends will all be there and they are going to see how happy you are and that's going to make them happy. And no one other than you will give a hoot about the shoes. So if you're not doing for yourself, don't do it. This true for everyone of those million and one details.

The rest is just frosting.

Good Luck,

Uncle Anonymous
MattScript: It's probably sexist to say it, but it's true. The purpose of the wedding is to allow the groom to observe the bride at her most neurotic and stressed out. This is as bad as it gets. If you can handle this - and you can - the rest of life is a walk in the park.

10:24 AM, June 29, 2008


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