I Don't Like My Intern

My intern just announced that "It's so great being 21!" We heard all about the lead-up to her birthday last week; the drama surrounding the birthday dinner; and now, the joy of being able to frequent any bar in the city.

I don't like my intern. It's not that I dislike her personally-- she seems like a fine person and is a good employee.

What I don't like is that she's loud. She has an opinion about everything. She's excited about the world and New York and has every confidence that she'll be discovered and she'll find success and it'll be *Awesome*.

Basically, she's me at 21, but with less glitter. Yes, I was one of those girls.

I'm not 21 anymore, high on delusions of grandeur, certain that I was the best thing Ever, confident that I was going to take over the world. I was going to be rich and famous and successful and there was no reason why it wouldn't happen.

I'm not 25 anymore, lost in my quarter-life crisis, unsure of who I was, what I wanted to do, and how to get there.

I'm 30. God, it's still weird to write/say that. Taking over the world? If someone's going to do it, it's not going to be me. I'm not gong to be rich or famous and probably not successful, at least not in the way that I always thought I'd be. I'm not sure if that realization has released me or made me more depressed.

My uncle used to tell me that the strangest part about aging was that you still felt like yourself--even when the mirror betrayed your age, YOU were the same person. I don't know about that. I don't feel like the same person I was at 21. It's not just that I want different things now than I used to or that I don't want to go dancing or drinking all night, it's that I really cannot imagine being that naively, dismissively, delusionally confident anymore. I assume that's just a part of aging, but when I think of the girl I used to be, I feel so OLD. And glad that I'm not there anymore. I don't know that I'm ready to be 30, but I'm certainly glad I'm not 21 anymore.